I hear my heart stop and my lungs drop I feel my brain going down the drain To the song of the voice in the shadows Singing loud for the boys in the gang Repeating & repeating The only words it was born to say Repeating & screaming The last words marked on my grave "You're out of time Sitting around and wasting life. What happened to your eyes" Is this a nightmare? I feel so sick As my sins corrode my stomach And I got the blues But that's nothing new That voice keeps ringing in my head It never ends

This is life. Friends uprise. A surprise. Yeah…the decline. The human demise. This is life? I need a fact check barring my lovely money friends uprise. A surprise, down on Earth the rats fuck blind and escalate our decline. What are we to do? When? What are we to do when reason can’t put up a fight? We turn off the light and disintegrate into the night. *clip from The Prisoner

Time to get of the past remove from memory hide behind a mask of indifference but too many words now. it's all just a game. perfect renunciation so through full. we will open a new world. then he will be different, without games and hypocrisy. without lies, hypocrisy and betrayal. I think suddenly it's forbidden? I counted. one, two, three. I realized and said to myself, nobody forbade spy. nobody forbade spy. nobody forbade spy. *** Время, что бы попасть в прошлое удалить из воспоминаний спрятаться за маской безразличия если бы не слишком много слов сейчас. это всего лишь игра. идеальный отказ через полное отречение. мы открываем для себя новый мир. затем он должен быть другим, без соревнований и лицимерия. без лжи, и предадельства. Я предполагаю, что вдруг это запрещено? Я учитываю. первый, второй, третий. Я понял, и сказал себе, Никто не запрещал следить.

"The very beginning of Genesis tells us that God created man in order to give him dominion over fish and foul and all creatures. Of course, Genesis was written by a man, not a horse. There is no certainty that God actually did grant man dominion over other creatures. What seems more likely, in fact, is that man invented God to sanctify the dominion that he had usurped for himself over the cow and the horse."

Sexism comes as no surprise once you've usurped dominion over other living beings.

We swallow our feelings even if it means we're unhappy forever. Two days a week to numb the routine. Don't alter reality, but change it.

(sample from the pilot episode of Freaks & Geeks) Why are you throwing your life away? Did mom and dad tell you I was the only one with grandma when she died? No. They went down to the cafeteria to get some coffee. And all of a sudden grandma looked so terrified. I didn't know what to do. She grabbed my hand, told me she didn't want to go. She looked so scared, Sam. I said, Well, you know, can you see god or heaven or a light or anything? What did she say? No. There's nothing.

(Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines he wrote a poem and he called it "Chops" because that was the name of his dog and that's what it was all about his teacher gave him an A and a gold star and his mother hung it on the kitchen door and read it to his aunts. that was the year Father Tracy took all the kids to the zoo and he let them sing on the bus and his little sister was born with tiny nails and no hair and his mother and father kissed a lot and the girl around the corner sent him a valentine signed with a row of X's and he had to ask his father what the X's meant and his father always tucked him in bed at night and was always there to do it once on a piece of white paper with blue lines he wrote a poem he called it "Autumn" because that was the name of the season and that's what it was all about and his teacher gave him an A and asked him to write more clearly and his mother never hung it on the kitchen door because of the new paint and the kids told him that Father Tracy smoked cigars and left butts on the pews and sometime they would burn holes that was the year his sister got glasses with thick lenses and black frames and the girl around the corner laughed when he asked her to go see Santa Claus and the kids told him why his mother and father kissed a lot and his father never tucked him in bed at night and his father got mad when he cried for him to do it) once on a paper torn from his notebook he wrote a poem and he called it "Innocence: A Question" because that was the question about his girl and that's what it was all about and his professor gave him an A and a strange steady look and his mother never hung it on the kitchen door because he never showed her that was the year Father Tracy died and he forgot how the end of the Apostle's Creed went and he caught his sister making out on the back porch and his mother and father never kissed or even talked and the girl around the corner wore too much make up that made him cough when he kissed her but he kissed her anyway because it was the thing to do and at 3 am he tucked himself into bed his father snoring soundly that's why on the back of a brown paper bag he tried another poem and he called it "Absolutely Nothing" because that's what it was really all about and he gave himself an A and a slash on each damned wrist and he hung it on the bathroom door because this time he didn't think he could reach the kitchen

Everything hurts the same. Every breath ends in sigh. I'll soon be forgotten like every dead language. I'll be torn to pieces like the letters I never sent. I'll be gone long before someone remembers to miss me. I'll hold on to nothing but the stream of the river. I'll soon be forgotten like every dead language. I'll be torn to pieces like the letters I never sent.

An instant of clarity before eternal night, don't let me forget. I used to be able to cry but now I'm beyond tears. I can't sleep, I can't think, I cannot overcome my loneliness, my fear, my disgust. I cannot be alone, cannot be with others. Some will call this self-indulgence, they are lucky not to know its truth. Some will know the simple fact of pain. A room of expressionless face staring blankly at my pain, so devoid of meaning. My desperation clawing and all-consuming panic drenching me as I gape in horror at the world and wonder why everyone is smiling and looking at me with secret knowledge of my aching shame. Nothing can extinguish my anger. Nothing can restore my faith. It's what you did, who was there and who you're blaming, and I'm blaming myself. Every compliment takes a piece of my soul. I've been dead for a long time. Back to my roots. Built to love the absent. Nothing can fill this void in my heart. The vital need for which I would die. All this shall come to pass, all the words of my noisome breath. Nothing is forever, the morning brings defeat, beautiful pain that says I exist. It is myself I've never met. Please open the curtains. (Fuck you. Fuck you for rejecting me by never being there, fuck you for making me feel like shit about myself, fuck you for bleeding the fucking love and life out of me, fuck my father for fucking up my life for good and fuck my mother for not leaving him but most of all fuck you god for making me love a person who does not exist. Fuck you.)

Сцепив зубы, лишаем зубов. Сплевывая сгустки крови на землю. Валяясь в пыли. Это для тебя. Это все тебе. Насмешливый взгляд мы ловим в толпе. Это для тебя. Это все тебе. На школьном дворе, превращаясь в гиен. Размытые силуэты танцуют танец войны для тебя. Я помню эти времена. На заднем дворе старшей школы. Я помню эти времена. Цветы заляпаны кровью. Я помню эти времена. Как бы не выплюнуть зуб? Редукционизм о падении зиккурата навряд ли приведет нас к мелкой трещине. Скорее фундамент прогнил и превратился в пыль, как и мои чувства к тебе. Без следа - исчезли напрочь. Битвы за тебя - так привычно. Мы были юные и смелые. Сколько камней ударялось о гладь твоего безразличия? Это не тебе… Это нашей вечной юности. Showing his teeth; knock out the teeth. Spitting blood on the ground, lying in the dust. All of this for you, it's all for you. I catch your quizzical look in the crowd. All of this for you, it's all for you. Turning into hyenas in the schoolyard. Blurred silhouettes dance the war dance for you. I remember those days. In the yard of the High School. I remember those days. Flowers spattered with blood. I remember those days. Trying not to lose a tooth Reductionism of the fall of Ziggurat revealed foundations not only cracked, but rotten and turned to dust. Much like my feelings for you. Gone completely, without a trace. Battle for you. As per usual. We were young and bold. How many stones hit the surface of your indifference? It's not for you... It for our eternal youth.

Горло рвется, но это пройдет. Сквозь бесконечную боль, рот дарит тебе глоток свободы, дарит чертеж надежды. Тонкий намек на то, что мы возможно спасемся. Я и ты вымираем - тасманские тигры. Мне срочно нужно взять тебя - тасманские тигры. Пасти мелькают сродни черных дыр. Это наша пляска во имя революции. Догорают фонари. Твой привкус во рту и мокрый снег под ногами превращается в грязь. Эта свобода - наша ловушка. Падает идол - давит меня. Torn throat, but it will pass. Through endless pain your mouth draws breath of freedom, of hope. A subtle hint that we may be saved. You and I are dying - tasmanian tigers. I urgently need to take you - tasmanian tigers. Jaws twinkle like black holes. This is our dance for the sake of the revolution... After the lights were extinguished. Your taste in my mouth; wet snow turns to mud underfoot. This freedom is our trap. Falling idol crushes me.

Шум прибоя через окно Так тянет прыгнуть навстречу ему. Ловить попутный ветер, Что всегда искал, И не упасть. Оставить прошлого груз, Что полон тайн и теней. Стать невесомым, сорваться и полной грудью вдохнуть. Поймав попутный ветер, Что всегда искал, Не отпускать.

I see your pedals glisten, you are a rose you will continue to grow and cast a shadow over me you’re the type that i’d wilt alongside for forever until you are a long shot, i could never flourish in the dirt that birthed me

i revel in a dream where i’m translucent always passing through the stages of the night before moving freely & never shielded from the circumstance that brought you to your knees crying i wallow in my thoughts that i cannot suppress vocalize without shouting in my own defense shouldn’t have to frame everything through your eyes shouldn’t have to hear “okay” when i feel upset “nobody cares about you more than i do i'm not being abusive i’m just stating facts” implications that i can’t have a better life stagnant, waiting for detachment to make sense of this i revel in a dream where i’m translucent always passing through the stages of the night before moving freely & never shielded from the circumstance that locked you in your room

i will ask that guy in the passenger seat what he himself thinks & in what the hell direction must i look into to see what he views will i be able to reply with an educated guess? i guess stars and satellites could meet as dust but that’s more than i could address i’ll survive as long as i am able to as long as i am able to i’ll try

i believe that you were made with me in mind & i with you naybe it's beginner's luck that we made it through i believe that you're lying to me my insecurities, they make it hard to fall asleep i wish i meet you sooner but i’m glad to know you now that i’m more mature to handle what we're bout the glass on the table is just enough i don't drink a whole lot anyway i don’t drink at all i don't even want to know what it feels like